Now before I start this, please understand this isn't about attention seeking, or please look at me I have a beautiful child post. I think he's beautiful, and that's all that matters. Sorry, but I could give two shits about what the rest of the world thinks about it. Also, I'm his Mom, and I can say that last night he wasn't being very cute when he lapped dirty bathwater all over the floor in a freak riptide storm Jim Cantore himself couldn't have predicted. He wet the rug, and every other surrounding surface which I then had to mop up with every towel we've probably ever owned.
Anyway I want to put all of that stuff aside, to have a frank conversation with you about big life dreams.
I see a huge difference between stage mom, and a parent who wants their child to accomplish their dreams. How do I know about Hunter's? I don't. He's four! His interests are as fleeting as cars rushing down the busy highway in front of our house. I've accepted that. It's an extremely difficult balance, because as an adult we've been told to be exact. That our dreams must be functional, and associated with what makes other people feel comfortable. I have different ideas about this entirely! The first time that we were approached about any sort of modeling/acting/public performance was in Washington when we were walking around the mall. A lady who was a local talent scout for an extras agency saw Hunter. I took her card, thought nothing of it, and kept on going. She called me a few weeks later, and then all of a sudden she wanted us to come to casting calls. We went, it was ok, but we had that experience now. At the time we didn't have all the resources, so we just weren't ready, and after that there was radio silence on that front.
I did a lot of theater, dance, and performance stuff when I was younger because I had a hunger for it. I recognize this same insatiability for performance coming from my child, which makes sense, but I don't ever want to be that Mom. Hunter is such a smart child already, and very in tune with emotions from the people around him and his environment. I worry, because people like that tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves which means they get hurt quite easily. He loves to make everyone in his family laugh, and it's infectious. He's so on all the time it's very hard to know now when he's being serious, so as a parent I have to get smarter and ride that same tidal wave of emotions with him. Most of the time, he's just too darn cute!
Last Spring, just as everything started turning green we went shopping at a local department store for an Easter outfit. Same thing, we got approached and asked if he would like to be in a kid's Easter fashion show. At first Hunter was shocked, but he immediately agreed so I pulled him aside to talk about it. I explained to him the seriousness of it, the actual hard parts, but it could be really fun if he wanted to try it out. He scratched his head and pretended to be in deep thought as he mulled it over.
"Yeah Mom, of course!"
"Are you absolutely sure?"
"Can I pick out my own clothes?"
"Within reason!"
We got the same callback just a few weeks ago for the Back to School show, and he was screaming he was so happy. I wanted to say no for him at first. I wanted to say it because no, is such a powerful thing that parents hold when every other option seems exhausted. I'm protecting my child from danger, that's my job! I'm protecting him from getting hurt in a world that is inherently mean! Who in their right mind would subject their small human being to that? I stopped for a split second though, to consider, what if this is his dream? What if this is his theater, his ballet? I know he's a boy and there are so many differences between the sexes, but what if this is a start for him? What if this will work him toward is bigger goals? I've accepted that this may not be forever, hell, this might not last until tomorrow morning but for now, he has found something that he's consistently liked.
Yesterday everything was going wrong! We had a lighting strike the previous night after a band of storms rocked us, and the electricity was out all morning. By the time it was fixed it was 11:30, we showered in the dark, (I got the cold water), and we were past call time. He kept checking the alarms on the phone or paced the hallway of his bedroom while I tried finding a decent outfit. He progressively got more irritated with me. "Mom! We're late. You are making me late!" When we got outside, the rain was pouring and it was cold. It took an extra 15 minutes to drive from our house across town in a torrential downpour. We got to the mall and he was so upset at the thought we might have missed the show he barely talked to me. After I grabbed his stack of clothing choices from the assigned rack, he finally broke the uncomfortable silence, "We need to go to the dressing room." He bolted, running straight for it. Of course, everyone else was late too! Kids were peeling off clothes and handing them back to parents, so Hunter just started getting undressed and tossing his clothes back at me too. I still can't believe the kids section only has two closed changing rooms!
"You're not supposed to get naked in front of everyone dude!"
"Mom, I have underwear on."
I passed him the t-shirt, and he slid it over his head. Then he carefully tucked the tags inside so they couldn't be seen, like a pro. By the time he was finally dressed, I could feel his adrenaline pumping and he shakily pulled his belt through the last loop on his jeans.
"Mom, I'm really excited but I've got to pee. Do I need to wait?"
"Of course not!"
We quickly ran to the bathroom. Then back to the line after a lap around the top floor of the store to get to the backstage area. He was moved to the front since he was one of the youngest, and I peered behind the curtain to check on him trying to remain hidden. He had his game face on. He held his paper in one hand, made sure the tags on his top button-up shirt were hidden. The girl in front of him hesitated for too long, and he said, "It's your turn now. Good luck!" She half smiled at him, and she finally stepped out from behind the curtain. I think it was her first time. He took off his hat then, like a teenage boy, and ruffled his hair before sliding it back on. I knew if I would have gone back there at that moment he would have been angry with me. "Parents aren't supposed to be back here Mom!"
I let all of my fear and instinct go, because this was his moment. I'm always his Mom at the end of the day, but in this instance, he conquered the whole world like a gentleman and I couldn't have been prouder. After the show we were bombard, between business cards, and new people trying to make contacts, they leeched on me as I was buying his t-shirt and hat from the show. "You know if he models for us he could buy his own clothes?" I gave one of them a dirty look, a guy in a frumpy suit with a portfolio as he pushed a business card across the counter at me. "I think I'll handle that for now, thanks." After that, a few photographers, and another scout closed in on us as I stood shuffling bags between my hands. Hunter reached out and shook all of their hands, starting conversations like he had been doing this forever. We talked about it a lunch that afternoon, and he's decided to do photo shoot for a catalog and he wants to do another fashion show. "We'll see," I say, and tap away at an email in my phone. I'm happy for him, but terrified. Rightfully so! Right now I'll let him revel in the victory of a job well done, as he dips his fingers in the ketchup from Chick-fil-a before we have to talk about the hard stuff again. I'm never prepared, but we're rolling with it. I've guess we've got two aspiring actors in the family.
Here's some photos from the rest of our day, it was kind of silly!
Just remember to dream, dream HUGE! Say yes to things, and take care of yourselves.
It's all worth it. I promise.
xo,
C
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