Wow.

Sorry guys, I've been gone awhile! I guess I just needed time. Time to get back to work, time to be human since I have an actual job now, and do some self work, like hanging out with my friends. Did I mention I've been doing a lot of that lately?

Thanksgiving and Christmas were crazy, busy, cozy, and full of love. Add to that, that I started working during the holidays and traveling to see friends and family all over the state we were on the road almost every weekend. Hunter had a wonderful Christmas, and now he's 5. Can you believe it? Almost two weeks after Christmas is his birthday, and this year we trekked to Raleigh on Saturday after his birthday to celebrate with my Dad. On his actual birthday, we were at home. There's a video on my instagram of him blowing out his candles, and it was really a special moment because he's spent almost all of his birthdays at my Granny's house which is one place that I consider where I grew up. I lived out of a suitcase until about high school, and after my parents divorced my Dad got our first house which was a pretty neat since I had never lived in one place more than a year or two.

I'm in full blown winter/spring cleaning mode lately, and I've been getting our house back together. We got a ton of furniture that we've added to the house, and even though we're moving after our lease is up it's unlikely that we'll stay on here because I really want a house. Fingers crossed, I'll get my wish! Currently Hunter and I are working on making Valentine's for everyone. We want to send handmade things this year, and put some thought and care into what we send. It was such a fantastic journey watching him grow into a complete person this year, and give back. So much happened that it would be impossible to sum it all up in one post but rest assured, I am forever proud of his progress. Although, I am of my own as well.

I spent New Year's Eve out! Can you believe it? Anxiety riddled crazy pants went out on NYE with her friends, and woke up in the morning to go to the grocery store to make breakfast for everyone. I'll admit only that I looked like I was doing a serious walk of shame and not family-friendly grocery shopping, (**note to self: bring extra clothes in the car next time for late nights out that you don't make it back to best friends apartment**), but anyway, I racked  Gatorade, eggs, bacon and bottle shaker pancake mix. We feasted! Then we had the ultimate hungover breakfast, Cookout. If you don't know what that is, well, you don't know what heaven tastes like in the form of a BBQ sandwich with Texas Pete hot sauce and coleslaw on top.

Oh my goodness, I absolutely love North Carolina!

xoxo,
C

Life: Family

There are lots of big words in the dictionary, but the word, family to me carries the most weight. I took a days break to celebrate! My Dad came for a short visit. It was so nice. I got to cook for him (my famous shrimp quesadilla's) , and talk, and we just visited with one another. It was the nicest visit that I've had in awhile. I live roughly 2 hrs from my hometown, and right now since I moved closer to where I'm from, (closer than I've been in the past 4 years), sometimes that distance feels like an entire ocean's length away from me! I start to miss my Dad. I miss him a lot, even now, and when he leaves it gets difficult for me emotionally. I don't know why, but it just does, fact of the matter is I love my Dad.

Here's a little background, my parents divorced right as I was becoming a teenager. Right when I was trying to figure out who I was everything around me was just crumbling! It's still the hardest thing that I've ever been through. Most of the time, I ignore my feelings about the whole situation but then my conscience likes to play the anxiety battle with me. Oh right, I forgot to mention that too ... anxiety. I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 5. The first time that I ever had one I was in Kindergarten, and my teacher accidentally locked me in the bathroom with the lights off. She was trying to shuffle several kids out of the bathroom that was connected to our classroom, of course I went in last decided I needed to go, and she shut the door behind me. No lights, just me in the dark. I was never a screamer or a cryer, which means that I held it all in until I just broke down. I held it until our student teacher found me in the bathroom couched down next to the toilet, and she just picked me up and hugged me. (If you know some one in the middle of a panic attack, please ask before you do this.) I cried for about 5 minutes, but quickly got over it. It was neither of their faults, but I was deathly afraid of the dark and even more afraid of being locked in a room with no windows. There's more to it, but that's enough right there to know that if you also suffer from this little demon named anxiety then you are NOT alone. I still have them, all the time!

This weekend my Dad came and helped me with some house things that I needed to get done, and also took us to do some fun stuff. We went to the Airborne Special Ops Museum, and got to see all the neat things there. They have 2 new expos, one was about the war in Somila and how the U.S. aided in that conflict. If you've ever seen the movie Black Hawk Down, it was a break down in real time of what happened with archive footage, interviews, and collected artifacts. I'm one of those freaky girls who was quietly studious and loved history. I liked History, Government, and English in school. For whatever reason, I spent a bulk of my later childhood obsessed with World War II and the 1940's because of what I learned in school. I pretty much wanted to live in my rag curls, and wear winged eyeliner, and be in an old school USO show. I just thought it was rad!

Right now a section of the lawn outside the museum is the grounds for the Field of Honor. It's a pretty moving sight to see all of those flags flying in one place, and each of them is dedicated to someone whose served, currently is serving, or whom has died in the line of duty. I come from a family where my grandfathers made the military their careers, and I thought of that as I stood there on the steps looking down on this field. Each one of those flags meant that a person out there belonged to someone else, or that someone thought enough of them to sponsor a flag for them. It's just moving! Hunter asked me about the flags as he was taxing his brand new helicopter across the steps, and we looked at them together for a few moments. The reality is, I didn't have an answer for him I was just too moved.

It seems like a heavy weekend, but really we had a blast. It's almost Independence Day too, and guess what? We're headed to the lake house! I'm so excited for Hunter to get to spend his first holiday there.  It's literally going to be magical, and of course, there will be FIREWORKS!

xo,

Life: The Lake House

I know these probably look like dark, drab photos, but in retrospect to me they're pretty spectacular. I love North Carolina. I love it in the Fall, the Winter, and even in the Summer when it's so hot it feels like you could stir the air with a wooden spoon. Some of my happiest memories growing up occurred during my Summer's going back and forth to this house. The first photo is Hunter on the floor next to a stool playing Barrell of Monkeys, and this one stood out so vividly for me when I got back home that afternoon. I used to play cards with my Great-Grandmother on top of that stool, or sit in front of her on it while she asked me about school, whatever state we lived in at the time, or did I want another dill pickle?

I loved my Granny! This house was our sanctuary. Luckily it's stayed in the family, and even though my Granny is long gone now these pictures stung a little when I finally sat down to look at them. We have so many happy memories in life sometimes we forget about the hard one's. We have such a good time in that house still, even now it's hard to think of her not being there. I love visiting. I love being there where Hunter is learning to swim in the exact same water that I learned in, and now I'm learning to paddle board. I'm just amazed. Life is so incredibly quick.

Every single day that I watch Hunter grow, the more fond I grow of him being himself just in the moments that we have now.  I loathe the day when he'll be too shy, or too cool to dance around, or sing a song in the middle of the grocery story. I realize this is all apart of the growing process, but it's hard watching a little baby grow up into a child. For now, we'll go back and forth to the lake house, and I'll keep taking pictures with Hipstamatic.

xo,

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