Growing Up Sheltered: Part 3

Firstly, before I even continue on with another embarrassing story about my life I'd like to note these posts are the most popular on my blog. I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm kind of happy to come back with a nice little fable-like tale to help you on your journey. What I mean to say is, thank you for reading because despite the lack of comments, (ya'll really should comment), it sort has brought me back down to earth in a way. Here we go, onward!

Party girls don't get hurt

Can't feel anything, when will I learn

I push it down, push it down

I'm the one "for a good time call"

Phone's blowin' up, they're ringing my doorbell

I feel the love, feel the love

1,2,3,1,2,3, drink

1,2,3,1,2,3, drink

1,2,3,1,2,3, drink

Those are the lyrics to Sia's song Chandelier, and they apply pretty much directly to my old life. The six months when I let it all turn me upside down. Now, I could be wrong but I think my lack of teenage rebellion led directly to this moment of clarity in the kitchen of an older, guy friend of mine's house. I drunkenly made it to the settee sofa in the den sort of laying half on the sofa and the floor, his big brick mansion in the middle of my suburban dream neighborhood. He sat across from me in an armchair, and I laughed to myself. It all seemed so silly, my life looked like one of those paintings in a museum. He finally asked me what I was laughing about as I tried pulling the weight of my body off the floor and back onto the sofa, he lept up to help me. He was a classic case of what I like to call, Peter Pan Syndrome. He was single, 40-something, and nowhere near a relationship, which made him  similar to about 40% of the population of my hometown. It was to his detriment, because in theory, at that time he could have had whatever he wanted.

"What is it?" He sat next to me steadying my sway.

"I was just thinking about my life. I mean, this is the dream."

"This can't be your only dream."

"No. Of course not. I'm in your amazing house, and you're playing Tom Petty. We just went out. And everything just ... floats."

"It gets harder."

"Don't tell me that. Can't this just be it? Can't this just be now?"

We sat there a few moments, and when I finally looked up at him with sad, drunken eyes he lunged at my face. I pulled away, sobering up to the fact that for over a year he had probably been planning that. He was, and is still a great friend, but for some reason that kiss made me feel empty. He made me feel wonderful, but I was somehow dead, and broken on the inside. My heart was broken. I had but only three months prior, been broken up with by my dream boy, and I was still in love him. It was the worst possible time for that kiss, and it slowly started to eat away at me. He tried a few more times to kiss me until I said stop, and then he went into the kitchen to make us more drinks.

"C'mon baby. Let's go watch the sunrise. I don't have to work tomorrow, and neither do you, we can sleep the day away!"

I looked around at the bookshelves, and at the arm chair, everything perfectly placed in my dream house. I walked into the kitchen, watching him as he meticulously poured vodka and orange juice into big glasses for us. He looked up at my face, the sadness just downing me, and walked over to hug me. In fact, after a few moments in his embrace he sighed knowing that I'd released him from whatever emotional distress he was currently experiencing.

"I'm sorry. I just ... I don't want to do this anymore."

He lifted my chin up to look at him.

"It's ok. It just makes me a little sad."

"Why?"

"We knew you had so much potential!"

I laughed and laid my head on his chest. He hugged me tight, and I slid my keys into my fingers behind my back.

"I'll drive you home."

I smiled at him and walked towards the door, back into the garage and back to my car. He stood there in the doorway with his drink and waved. I backed out slowly, the dream house towering over me. For once, it didn't look so unattainable. I drove back to my house that I shared with a roommate, where I was living rent free to escape it all. I was tired, sick of living that life. I was just sick, that is until I got a call that afternoon that changed ... everything.

Fall Beauty: It's All About the Flush

Oh Fall!

Pumpkin Spice Frappachinos

Cozy Sweaters

Pea Coats (My all time favorite coat in the history of fashion.)

Release of Halloween decor, and subsequent Christmas decor.

On a scale from one to I can't even, this has always been my most cherished time of year. Just before the hustle and bustle of holidays comes; comfort, college Football, and dark, dark, late nights around the fire.

Anyway, here are a few essentials that I am currently loving.

Forever 21 women plus size top / Forever 21 vegan purse / Pixi translucent face powder / L Oréal Paris kohl eyeliner / Revlon foundation / Rimmel lips makeup / Clear nail polish

Did I mention my inherent plaid obsession? Since I'm not entirely sure of where my roots actually lie, I'm going to blame this on my European ancestry. The plaid sweater from Forever 21 is functional, pretty, and excellent for layering. I've been so impressed with their Fall collections. Their plus line, (for girly's like me with big boobs), has really honed in on my plaid obsession so this sweater is of course my top pick!

My next few picks are makeup/beauty related, but first I've got to mention that purse. I've eyed that bag for about 2 weeks now, slowly letting it warm up to me before I decide on it as my Fall bag. Well, I got it, and I'm loving it. The space is amazing, and I like the option for a strap. The zipper detailing is super sturdy and will with last if you need to shove in unordinary things like a change of clothes for a girls weekend, or a quick road trip. I like purses that have multipurpose or utility.

Ok, onto the beauty!

Rimmel is my go to drugstore cosmetics brand, because it just never fails! I love the moisturizing full-on colors of the Kate Moss line. They have the best coverage without being the dreaded lip tattoo, which I'm all for if I'm going for an extreme look but these colors do best with a sheer to full coverage. My favorite shades are; 01. 06, and 11.

Next up is Revlon Color Stay Foundation, and I know I've mentioned this before but I keep going back to it. It's moisturizing and blend-able, as well as, covers great for the big to small imperfection. (It does swimmingly on my under eye circles.) I go between shades; Nude and Medium Beige. Although I do keep both stocked as one works for a good shader, if I'm going for a full face of makeup for a nighttime event.

Essie Grow Faster,  is a great polish for the Fall/Winter months when our nails need a lot of work. Yes, sometimes we need a break from color polishes and just have an nice treatment so our digits can live through another weekend. I love to wear this alone, or as a base coat. Essie is such a great brand, and worth every penny because their colors LAST! No gel mani, or UV light necessary.

Now that I've been using the L'Oreal liquid liner for awhile now, I am obsessed with it. It is by far the best liner that I've used for my favorite go-to, the cat eye, and it's percussion is unparalleled. L'Oreal makes no fail marks with this pen, and it literally last all day. I can put it on at 8AM and make no touch ups, (except to my watery outer corners), before heading out for the night. Never underestimate the power of a good liquid liner in your makeup kit, because it can literally save you in a pinch!

Lastly, but most certainly not least, is the Pixiwoo Translucent face powder which I can't get enough of. Seriously, it will change your makeup routine! Usually I go for the cheapest face powder I can find, but while this Pixiwoo powder is on the pricey side I've noticed a few differences. Sometime during the month my t-zone and nose get a little on the shiny side so I like to have a little more coverage with my powder, whether I'm pressing or brushing it on. I can take this powder anywhere, and use it either way but it always leaves the same finish. That's something I can count on! I've slowly started to fall in love with the Pixiwoo brand between the whimsical packaging, and the amazing color pallets. I adore it completely!

So what are your Fall picks? Tell me everything!

xo,

C

The Not-So-Shiny Side of Mommyhood

I know. I know what you're here for, but I'm just not going to do it anymore.

My sweet little son, this human being who I've repeatedly asked to keep his fingers out of his nose, and his hands off the tv remote has just got into the tub and poured a can of Sprite over his head just because he wanted to know what it felt like. Children are experimental, but why do I feel the need to tell you only the good things he does? Let's admit it, in life, or in Mommyhood, none of us are the big P word.

I am not perfect. Never have I ever been, and never will I be.

Let's get right down to it, do I like being a Mom? Most days I would say no, but the moment I found out he was coming I made a commitment to him. This is the single longest relationship I have ever been in, with anything. I was 22 when he was born, but at 21, just as I was legal to drink I also had to decide if his life had a place in mine. His conception was a complete fluke accident, (not even kidding), that my OB nor Gretzky could have predicted. By the time the fear of wwwaahh set in I was sitting bare-assed on a thin piece of tissue paper in a clinic in California at lunch time saying to myself, what the actual fuck have I done?

Now he's fully formed, he can open cans and bottles, make sandwiches for himself, and can flip on the dishwasher. He is 4 going on 45, because he likes the fake morning coffee I make him and watching the CNN ticker with me. I love him, but the thought of spending every single day of my life talking about how perfect he is drives me crazy!  I'll never be that kind of parent. Unlike this weekend, when I was away from him and wandering around at Big Lots excited to go on a girls night with my friends. I came across the toy aisles and noticed little army men in a bucket, at which point I had to hold back tears. I set off one of those toy blaster guns to jolt myself out of the emotional coma so I didn't look like the crazy lady crying in the toy aisle at Big Lots, which would have happened. This is the person that I am now, and while parts of me remain the same this one has changed.


Before you son, I was fun.

I used to stay up until 5 in the morning, then go to work, and take a 3 hours nap before I went out and repeated staying out all night again with my friends.

I could drink and dance pretty much anyone under the table.

I used to read entire books in one day, no matter how long the book, because I felt like it.

I used to go out on my own, to any store and look for hours without anyone asking me a single question.

I would drive, just for the hell of it, on long road trips because I wanted to get away and I could.


Now I fall asleep with you on one arm, (as it's falling asleep), and 15 pages of This Is Where I Leave You read because I've tried reading it earlier while you cleaned up Legos.  Instead you insisted on playing 20 questions, when clearly you knew exactly where that towel went! (I love that about you.) Sometimes I just want to read my book in peace! Sometimes I just want to read, then go to bed, and not wake up until I'm actually ready to be awake.

As for you new parents, enjoy this time. Seriously! It's so beautiful because newborns pretty much stay where you put them, and if you want to watch reruns of Sex and the City, (not edited for E!) then you can. Feel free! Pretty much just binge watch, sleep, and nap with the baby. You will be close, and you also won't stay up like I did and almost drive yourself insane. Also workout, because it's good for you and you can do it at home, or just stay in sweatpants all day. I challenge you to just take care of yourself. Just do that for me right now, please, because I'm telling you pretty soon you won't be able to or you'll forget about it.

Also be reminded of this, you are not a super hero and no one expects you to be. We don't have to exchange pleasantries because eventually you're stroller will no longer be the shiny new Cadillac, and there's also the possibility you'll accidentally get shit all over your Skip Hop diaper bag. It happens! In fact, I hope it does because then you'll figure out how to correctly wash it. Right now I envy you, because you probably still like your pediatrician a lot, or maybe you're settling into a brand new house with Pottery Barn from floor to ceiling. In which case, I hate you intensely.

Just don't take it for granted. Let's discuss real things, and don't try and impress me. We have 17 more years of playgroups, graduations, and perfectly planned Pinterest birthdays to do that. Right now, let's revel in that we don't have Cheerios in our hair, and that I can still see the floorboard of my car.

xo,

C

Where do we go from here?

As I learn more about the blogging world, and social media the more it perplexes me.

Brand yourself.

Tweet it.

Facebook it.

I'm learning all these new things and trying to keep up, but it's a stretch I'm still; mommy, best friend, wing lady, and occasional weekend dancer. It's a lot to keep up with, but I'm human so I don't do balance so well at times. Unfortunately the posts haven't been as good lately, and I know I've been slacking. I'm getting there, but it's a lot of work! Just know that I have plans for this blog. 

In fact, I have lots of plans!

I've also started writing the manuscript that will eventually be my first novel, a fiction. There's a lot at stake, and with that comes the responsibility to keep all things in my life afloat. Just bear with me, I'll get back to all the lovely fluffy posts about makeup, mommy things, and my life soon. This weekend however, I'm spending the weekend with my girlfriends. I am so excited!

xo,

C

How Lorelai and Rory Saved My Adolescence

   

I know I talk a lot about Netflix, but it's seriously the greatest freaking thing since sliced bread. What makes it better is that today, they've released all 7 seasons of my most beloved show Gilmore Girls. I've been reliving memories all day, and it's funny, television wasn't supposed to do that to me! I was a teenager with divorced parents, and I knew nothing of the charming affluence of rural Connecticut yet after watching the pilot on the WB when I was in 8th grade something changed. I wanted to live in Stars Hollow, exchange pop culture jabs with Lorelai, and drink coffee at Luke's. By the time that season one was over and my Dad had picked up our life in Louisiana to move it to North Carolina we invented a new way to communicate .... since then, he's seen every single episode!

My Mom was gone, yes, but this void had been filled with a girl who was a lot like me and loved books. My Dad was an English major, and he taught college English courses throughout my childhood therefore making me obsessed with really grown-up literature like, The Glass Menagerie for instance.

What normal 10-year-old girl goes through a period of her life hyper-obsessed with Tennessee Williams? 

This one! 

Who started trying to read Shakespeare before Tolstoy? 

This girl!

Maybe if the bug would have bitten earlier, I might have ended up at Harvard or Yale just like Rory but for seven years of my life I had really big dreams. I had a hero would made me proud of my bookish nature, and made me long for a best friend who was worthy of a comparison to Lane Kim. My Dad maintained that connection with me via the show, and he was able to talk to me about the difficult subjects that normally most Dad's don't even have to tackle the surface of with their daughters. It engaged us, from first boyfriends to failing tests, and it forced us to branch out. Looking back, I am so thankful that this is where I learned so much about myself because my teenager years could have easily have been a wreck. I spent a lot of time at home, and between social groups because people like to pass off the girl with a single Dad. It allowed me to learn about myself though, and with the unfailing support of a single Mom who had nothing yet raised a superhuman who graduated from a super elite prep school and Yale, it made little old me feel like I could conquer the world.

So grab a pint of Ben and Jerry's, and some sick assortment of junk food that only Cookie Monster and Lorelai Gilmore would understand, park it on the couch ---- then get to watching. You've got 7 seasons, let's go!

xo,

C