Here's a little background, my parents divorced right as I was becoming a teenager. Right when I was trying to figure out who I was everything around me was just crumbling! It's still the hardest thing that I've ever been through. Most of the time, I ignore my feelings about the whole situation but then my conscience likes to play the anxiety battle with me. Oh right, I forgot to mention that too ... anxiety. I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 5. The first time that I ever had one I was in Kindergarten, and my teacher accidentally locked me in the bathroom with the lights off. She was trying to shuffle several kids out of the bathroom that was connected to our classroom, of course I went in last decided I needed to go, and she shut the door behind me. No lights, just me in the dark. I was never a screamer or a cryer, which means that I held it all in until I just broke down. I held it until our student teacher found me in the bathroom couched down next to the toilet, and she just picked me up and hugged me. (If you know some one in the middle of a panic attack, please ask before you do this.) I cried for about 5 minutes, but quickly got over it. It was neither of their faults, but I was deathly afraid of the dark and even more afraid of being locked in a room with no windows. There's more to it, but that's enough right there to know that if you also suffer from this little demon named anxiety then you are NOT alone. I still have them, all the time!
This weekend my Dad came and helped me with some house things that I needed to get done, and also took us to do some fun stuff. We went to the Airborne Special Ops Museum, and got to see all the neat things there. They have 2 new expos, one was about the war in Somila and how the U.S. aided in that conflict. If you've ever seen the movie Black Hawk Down, it was a break down in real time of what happened with archive footage, interviews, and collected artifacts. I'm one of those freaky girls who was quietly studious and loved history. I liked History, Government, and English in school. For whatever reason, I spent a bulk of my later childhood obsessed with World War II and the 1940's because of what I learned in school. I pretty much wanted to live in my rag curls, and wear winged eyeliner, and be in an old school USO show. I just thought it was rad!
Right now a section of the lawn outside the museum is the grounds for the Field of Honor. It's a pretty moving sight to see all of those flags flying in one place, and each of them is dedicated to someone whose served, currently is serving, or whom has died in the line of duty. I come from a family where my grandfathers made the military their careers, and I thought of that as I stood there on the steps looking down on this field. Each one of those flags meant that a person out there belonged to someone else, or that someone thought enough of them to sponsor a flag for them. It's just moving! Hunter asked me about the flags as he was taxing his brand new helicopter across the steps, and we looked at them together for a few moments. The reality is, I didn't have an answer for him I was just too moved.
It seems like a heavy weekend, but really we had a blast. It's almost Independence Day too, and guess what? We're headed to the lake house! I'm so excited for Hunter to get to spend his first holiday there. It's literally going to be magical, and of course, there will be FIREWORKS!
xo,
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