Falling Off the Wagon

So was I the only one who tanked after Christmas on their diet that was going extremely well?

I didn't make New Year's resolutions this year, besides getting healthier and being happier. However, between the stresses of January and February; weather, traveling, work, and other things I kind of lost myself. 

I fell off the wagon.

I'm committed to going back to the gym. I'm committed to my smoothies, and a hardcore diet for the next few weeks because I would love to feel like a goddess on my birthday which is just a few weeks away. I'm not expecting monumental changes, but I just want to feel better. Thankfully I still have time, and more time afterward to get ready for Summer.

One of the reasons I think I stopped was the overwhelming feeling I get when I go to the gym and I literally feel like I'm the only fat girl there. (Yes, I see you lady judging me on the elliptical.) Gyms aren't just for skinny people though, and sure, I see a big girl once in awhile but it's rare so I started panicking in the car one day and I haven't been back since.

The sheltered life has kicked me in the face, yet again. I don't want to be like this in this body forever though. It's overwhelming shopping for clothes, and all my other friends can wear whatever they want and I have to wear a potato sack. So I'm working backwards and starting over.

Here are my new goals:

1) I refuse to wear dumpy gym clothes. I work in retail right now and I can afford nicer, newer things because I deserve them. Working out doesn't have to feel dumpy.

2) I need new gym shoes. Something that can handle Zumba and like light running. I know nothing about shoes. I bought my last pair on clearance at Walmart, but they're horrible for Zumba.

3) I need to not judge myself. I need to love the part of myself that likes going to the gym.

4) I need to cut down on the classes. Healthy competition is good, but panic attacks are not! I usually start panicking before the classes, and then I only get through half because I mess up a step. I hate messing up, I took serious dance classes as a kid so I can't deal with failure.

5) I need to learn to fail. I need to have good days and bad days at the gym!

Did you ever fall off the wagon? How did you get back up? Leave me a comment, or suggestion and I'll write a post compiling them together in the next week. I'd love to hear from you.

xo,

C

Valentine's: A Night Out

I've never been a big Valentine's Day person. Once in 7th grade this guy Michael bought me a teddy bear after dating me for a week, and then broke up with me the next day. Thankfully I got to keep the bear! This year I prepared, I planned a day/night out with my closest girlfriends.

Valentine's Day I decided to head to my hometown and hang with my friends, and spend the night out with some lively music from Jeffrey Lewis who was playing a show at an art gallery. I once saw him play in someone's living room when I was a young kid, and he's been my favorite live performer ever since. The most surprising part about being a modern Southern woman is that musically I've had the opportunity and have branched out a lot since my roots run deep with blues and rock n' roll. Thankfully Greenville, NC has provided that for me, and given me the culture that I craved, and kept me local instead of trying to escape the South.

The morning started with brunch. Biscuits from the Bojangles drive-thru, and mimosas' in the parking lot before we went to see 50 Shades of Grey. I'm still not entirely sure why we decided as a group to go see this movie, but it was entertaining. Jamie Dornan is of course my new girl crush, and I was already watching The Fall before I went to see movie so I was fully immersed in all of his attractive traits. I've never heard that many women sigh at the same time in unison. It was surprisingly funny, and sweet at points.

I decided to get my makeup done and I enlisted the help of my friend Meagan Wilson to help me, (pictures at the top). She's a professional freelance makeup artist, but I've known her since we were getting ready together for nights out when I was 19. It's pretty fantastic to see her as a growing professional, and if you're ever in Greenville I highly recommend her. Currently she does by appointment only consultations, but for Valentine's Day she did a special for a full face so I contacted her and set it up. She asked for a few pointers about my outfit, but really I just let her go crazy. The result was a punchy red lip, a new take on the smokey eye, and an amazing set of fake lashes to add onto my already long one's. It was perfect. I especially loved the glitter liner on the inner corners, because in the dark my eyes looked incredible! She is really incredibly talented, and so dedicated to her craft.

Jeffrey Lewis was great, and the night ended with me in bed happily asleep. Currently I'm nursing a wicked cold, but Valentine's Weekend was worth it! I had the best time with my friends and getting ready was fun again. I can't wait for my birthday.

xo,

C

Megan Wilson Makeup

Red Dress- Forever 21

How do you cozy?

I know it's a silly question, but it's essential to factor in how you survive during the cold winter months ahead of us before Spring blossoms those pretty little blooms. I know, I too am a Spring person! My birthday is actually the first day of Spring, but as I've grown older I've learned to embrace the cozy comforts of Winter while I rest and relax for my birthday.

First of all, every cozy girl in training needs candles! It just sets the mood. Some of my favorite Winter scents are currently on sale at places like Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Yankee Candle. You know, the classic fireside candle to get you in the spirit for hot chocolate and late night talks? I actually prefer more basic scents like lavender and vanilla in the Winter, which I'm aware are odd choices considering the many amazing choices on the market. Lavender is extremely calming though, and Vanilla, in it's purest form just smells so comforting.

The next step is the blankets!

I have so many that I love it's virtually impossible to not include them when it's positively glacial outside and I'm in need of creature comforts. Inside I like my cocoon of warmth, and this is why I am such a big fan of the duvet. I currently live in an apartment so including decor pieces into our home is a hit or miss sometimes, I take into consideration basic things like blankets and covers so that I have the very best in those since they get used the most. More bang for your buck! I love companies that take into account those of us who suffer from allergies, (like my poor kiddo), so having down alternative comforters that can take multiple washings is something I look personally seek out. My current duvet was gifted to me, but I absolutely love this option from Parachute. It's practical, reasonably priced, and that baffle box construction makes me swoon, (it prevents bunching up of the fill on the inside)!

Lastly, at my core I'd like to pretend as if I'm a refined 26 going on 27 year old woman who drinks her coffee black and wears a business lady suit like a boss. I am not, however. I'm a working Mom, who sometimes hangs out with her friends and nurses tea, hot or cold, like it's my life force. Yogi Tea has the most delicious and soothing flavors. I'm a huge fan on their detox tea, and also, the Calming blend. They are the best!

I hope your Winter is cozy, snowy, and beautiful. Also check out Parachute Home by clicking on the photo, and by all means, invest in your comforts.

xo,

C

Wow.

Sorry guys, I've been gone awhile! I guess I just needed time. Time to get back to work, time to be human since I have an actual job now, and do some self work, like hanging out with my friends. Did I mention I've been doing a lot of that lately?

Thanksgiving and Christmas were crazy, busy, cozy, and full of love. Add to that, that I started working during the holidays and traveling to see friends and family all over the state we were on the road almost every weekend. Hunter had a wonderful Christmas, and now he's 5. Can you believe it? Almost two weeks after Christmas is his birthday, and this year we trekked to Raleigh on Saturday after his birthday to celebrate with my Dad. On his actual birthday, we were at home. There's a video on my instagram of him blowing out his candles, and it was really a special moment because he's spent almost all of his birthdays at my Granny's house which is one place that I consider where I grew up. I lived out of a suitcase until about high school, and after my parents divorced my Dad got our first house which was a pretty neat since I had never lived in one place more than a year or two.

I'm in full blown winter/spring cleaning mode lately, and I've been getting our house back together. We got a ton of furniture that we've added to the house, and even though we're moving after our lease is up it's unlikely that we'll stay on here because I really want a house. Fingers crossed, I'll get my wish! Currently Hunter and I are working on making Valentine's for everyone. We want to send handmade things this year, and put some thought and care into what we send. It was such a fantastic journey watching him grow into a complete person this year, and give back. So much happened that it would be impossible to sum it all up in one post but rest assured, I am forever proud of his progress. Although, I am of my own as well.

I spent New Year's Eve out! Can you believe it? Anxiety riddled crazy pants went out on NYE with her friends, and woke up in the morning to go to the grocery store to make breakfast for everyone. I'll admit only that I looked like I was doing a serious walk of shame and not family-friendly grocery shopping, (**note to self: bring extra clothes in the car next time for late nights out that you don't make it back to best friends apartment**), but anyway, I racked  Gatorade, eggs, bacon and bottle shaker pancake mix. We feasted! Then we had the ultimate hungover breakfast, Cookout. If you don't know what that is, well, you don't know what heaven tastes like in the form of a BBQ sandwich with Texas Pete hot sauce and coleslaw on top.

Oh my goodness, I absolutely love North Carolina!

xoxo,
C

Growing Up Sheltered: Part 3

Firstly, before I even continue on with another embarrassing story about my life I'd like to note these posts are the most popular on my blog. I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm kind of happy to come back with a nice little fable-like tale to help you on your journey. What I mean to say is, thank you for reading because despite the lack of comments, (ya'll really should comment), it sort has brought me back down to earth in a way. Here we go, onward!

Party girls don't get hurt

Can't feel anything, when will I learn

I push it down, push it down

I'm the one "for a good time call"

Phone's blowin' up, they're ringing my doorbell

I feel the love, feel the love

1,2,3,1,2,3, drink

1,2,3,1,2,3, drink

1,2,3,1,2,3, drink

Those are the lyrics to Sia's song Chandelier, and they apply pretty much directly to my old life. The six months when I let it all turn me upside down. Now, I could be wrong but I think my lack of teenage rebellion led directly to this moment of clarity in the kitchen of an older, guy friend of mine's house. I drunkenly made it to the settee sofa in the den sort of laying half on the sofa and the floor, his big brick mansion in the middle of my suburban dream neighborhood. He sat across from me in an armchair, and I laughed to myself. It all seemed so silly, my life looked like one of those paintings in a museum. He finally asked me what I was laughing about as I tried pulling the weight of my body off the floor and back onto the sofa, he lept up to help me. He was a classic case of what I like to call, Peter Pan Syndrome. He was single, 40-something, and nowhere near a relationship, which made him  similar to about 40% of the population of my hometown. It was to his detriment, because in theory, at that time he could have had whatever he wanted.

"What is it?" He sat next to me steadying my sway.

"I was just thinking about my life. I mean, this is the dream."

"This can't be your only dream."

"No. Of course not. I'm in your amazing house, and you're playing Tom Petty. We just went out. And everything just ... floats."

"It gets harder."

"Don't tell me that. Can't this just be it? Can't this just be now?"

We sat there a few moments, and when I finally looked up at him with sad, drunken eyes he lunged at my face. I pulled away, sobering up to the fact that for over a year he had probably been planning that. He was, and is still a great friend, but for some reason that kiss made me feel empty. He made me feel wonderful, but I was somehow dead, and broken on the inside. My heart was broken. I had but only three months prior, been broken up with by my dream boy, and I was still in love him. It was the worst possible time for that kiss, and it slowly started to eat away at me. He tried a few more times to kiss me until I said stop, and then he went into the kitchen to make us more drinks.

"C'mon baby. Let's go watch the sunrise. I don't have to work tomorrow, and neither do you, we can sleep the day away!"

I looked around at the bookshelves, and at the arm chair, everything perfectly placed in my dream house. I walked into the kitchen, watching him as he meticulously poured vodka and orange juice into big glasses for us. He looked up at my face, the sadness just downing me, and walked over to hug me. In fact, after a few moments in his embrace he sighed knowing that I'd released him from whatever emotional distress he was currently experiencing.

"I'm sorry. I just ... I don't want to do this anymore."

He lifted my chin up to look at him.

"It's ok. It just makes me a little sad."

"Why?"

"We knew you had so much potential!"

I laughed and laid my head on his chest. He hugged me tight, and I slid my keys into my fingers behind my back.

"I'll drive you home."

I smiled at him and walked towards the door, back into the garage and back to my car. He stood there in the doorway with his drink and waved. I backed out slowly, the dream house towering over me. For once, it didn't look so unattainable. I drove back to my house that I shared with a roommate, where I was living rent free to escape it all. I was tired, sick of living that life. I was just sick, that is until I got a call that afternoon that changed ... everything.

Fall Beauty: It's All About the Flush

Oh Fall!

Pumpkin Spice Frappachinos

Cozy Sweaters

Pea Coats (My all time favorite coat in the history of fashion.)

Release of Halloween decor, and subsequent Christmas decor.

On a scale from one to I can't even, this has always been my most cherished time of year. Just before the hustle and bustle of holidays comes; comfort, college Football, and dark, dark, late nights around the fire.

Anyway, here are a few essentials that I am currently loving.

Forever 21 women plus size top / Forever 21 vegan purse / Pixi translucent face powder / L Oréal Paris kohl eyeliner / Revlon foundation / Rimmel lips makeup / Clear nail polish

Did I mention my inherent plaid obsession? Since I'm not entirely sure of where my roots actually lie, I'm going to blame this on my European ancestry. The plaid sweater from Forever 21 is functional, pretty, and excellent for layering. I've been so impressed with their Fall collections. Their plus line, (for girly's like me with big boobs), has really honed in on my plaid obsession so this sweater is of course my top pick!

My next few picks are makeup/beauty related, but first I've got to mention that purse. I've eyed that bag for about 2 weeks now, slowly letting it warm up to me before I decide on it as my Fall bag. Well, I got it, and I'm loving it. The space is amazing, and I like the option for a strap. The zipper detailing is super sturdy and will with last if you need to shove in unordinary things like a change of clothes for a girls weekend, or a quick road trip. I like purses that have multipurpose or utility.

Ok, onto the beauty!

Rimmel is my go to drugstore cosmetics brand, because it just never fails! I love the moisturizing full-on colors of the Kate Moss line. They have the best coverage without being the dreaded lip tattoo, which I'm all for if I'm going for an extreme look but these colors do best with a sheer to full coverage. My favorite shades are; 01. 06, and 11.

Next up is Revlon Color Stay Foundation, and I know I've mentioned this before but I keep going back to it. It's moisturizing and blend-able, as well as, covers great for the big to small imperfection. (It does swimmingly on my under eye circles.) I go between shades; Nude and Medium Beige. Although I do keep both stocked as one works for a good shader, if I'm going for a full face of makeup for a nighttime event.

Essie Grow Faster,  is a great polish for the Fall/Winter months when our nails need a lot of work. Yes, sometimes we need a break from color polishes and just have an nice treatment so our digits can live through another weekend. I love to wear this alone, or as a base coat. Essie is such a great brand, and worth every penny because their colors LAST! No gel mani, or UV light necessary.

Now that I've been using the L'Oreal liquid liner for awhile now, I am obsessed with it. It is by far the best liner that I've used for my favorite go-to, the cat eye, and it's percussion is unparalleled. L'Oreal makes no fail marks with this pen, and it literally last all day. I can put it on at 8AM and make no touch ups, (except to my watery outer corners), before heading out for the night. Never underestimate the power of a good liquid liner in your makeup kit, because it can literally save you in a pinch!

Lastly, but most certainly not least, is the Pixiwoo Translucent face powder which I can't get enough of. Seriously, it will change your makeup routine! Usually I go for the cheapest face powder I can find, but while this Pixiwoo powder is on the pricey side I've noticed a few differences. Sometime during the month my t-zone and nose get a little on the shiny side so I like to have a little more coverage with my powder, whether I'm pressing or brushing it on. I can take this powder anywhere, and use it either way but it always leaves the same finish. That's something I can count on! I've slowly started to fall in love with the Pixiwoo brand between the whimsical packaging, and the amazing color pallets. I adore it completely!

So what are your Fall picks? Tell me everything!

xo,

C

The Not-So-Shiny Side of Mommyhood

I know. I know what you're here for, but I'm just not going to do it anymore.

My sweet little son, this human being who I've repeatedly asked to keep his fingers out of his nose, and his hands off the tv remote has just got into the tub and poured a can of Sprite over his head just because he wanted to know what it felt like. Children are experimental, but why do I feel the need to tell you only the good things he does? Let's admit it, in life, or in Mommyhood, none of us are the big P word.

I am not perfect. Never have I ever been, and never will I be.

Let's get right down to it, do I like being a Mom? Most days I would say no, but the moment I found out he was coming I made a commitment to him. This is the single longest relationship I have ever been in, with anything. I was 22 when he was born, but at 21, just as I was legal to drink I also had to decide if his life had a place in mine. His conception was a complete fluke accident, (not even kidding), that my OB nor Gretzky could have predicted. By the time the fear of wwwaahh set in I was sitting bare-assed on a thin piece of tissue paper in a clinic in California at lunch time saying to myself, what the actual fuck have I done?

Now he's fully formed, he can open cans and bottles, make sandwiches for himself, and can flip on the dishwasher. He is 4 going on 45, because he likes the fake morning coffee I make him and watching the CNN ticker with me. I love him, but the thought of spending every single day of my life talking about how perfect he is drives me crazy!  I'll never be that kind of parent. Unlike this weekend, when I was away from him and wandering around at Big Lots excited to go on a girls night with my friends. I came across the toy aisles and noticed little army men in a bucket, at which point I had to hold back tears. I set off one of those toy blaster guns to jolt myself out of the emotional coma so I didn't look like the crazy lady crying in the toy aisle at Big Lots, which would have happened. This is the person that I am now, and while parts of me remain the same this one has changed.


Before you son, I was fun.

I used to stay up until 5 in the morning, then go to work, and take a 3 hours nap before I went out and repeated staying out all night again with my friends.

I could drink and dance pretty much anyone under the table.

I used to read entire books in one day, no matter how long the book, because I felt like it.

I used to go out on my own, to any store and look for hours without anyone asking me a single question.

I would drive, just for the hell of it, on long road trips because I wanted to get away and I could.


Now I fall asleep with you on one arm, (as it's falling asleep), and 15 pages of This Is Where I Leave You read because I've tried reading it earlier while you cleaned up Legos.  Instead you insisted on playing 20 questions, when clearly you knew exactly where that towel went! (I love that about you.) Sometimes I just want to read my book in peace! Sometimes I just want to read, then go to bed, and not wake up until I'm actually ready to be awake.

As for you new parents, enjoy this time. Seriously! It's so beautiful because newborns pretty much stay where you put them, and if you want to watch reruns of Sex and the City, (not edited for E!) then you can. Feel free! Pretty much just binge watch, sleep, and nap with the baby. You will be close, and you also won't stay up like I did and almost drive yourself insane. Also workout, because it's good for you and you can do it at home, or just stay in sweatpants all day. I challenge you to just take care of yourself. Just do that for me right now, please, because I'm telling you pretty soon you won't be able to or you'll forget about it.

Also be reminded of this, you are not a super hero and no one expects you to be. We don't have to exchange pleasantries because eventually you're stroller will no longer be the shiny new Cadillac, and there's also the possibility you'll accidentally get shit all over your Skip Hop diaper bag. It happens! In fact, I hope it does because then you'll figure out how to correctly wash it. Right now I envy you, because you probably still like your pediatrician a lot, or maybe you're settling into a brand new house with Pottery Barn from floor to ceiling. In which case, I hate you intensely.

Just don't take it for granted. Let's discuss real things, and don't try and impress me. We have 17 more years of playgroups, graduations, and perfectly planned Pinterest birthdays to do that. Right now, let's revel in that we don't have Cheerios in our hair, and that I can still see the floorboard of my car.

xo,

C